Small world

i'm feeling my age tonight for some reason. 23 na ko.

argh.

i feel like i just left high school yesterday. the fact that i live so near my old high school doesnt help.
_ _ _ _ _ _

my sister asked me if i knew this guy, who was picking up girls in friendster. my sis is a friendster addict who checks her account daily (unlike me, i only check around once every three months).

anyways, she asked me about this guy who dropped her a message saying that he's a "23 y/o single chinoy, may howe ka na ba?". she checked the profile and found out that he's a gracian. 23y/o would make him my batchmate.

sure enough, he was.

i remember the guy more from our elementary days... i think he failed around high school and got retained. i've always thought that he was quiet guy, kinda shy-type na maloko. i remember that he liked to tease my best friend... i remember that they argued a lot.

so now here he is, picking up my younger sister in Friendster.

freakin hell.
_ _ _ _ _ _

My car was finally picked up... papa-ayos na at last.

ayaw pang maniwala sakin na may probs yung car. well, di na dapat umaandar but when the mechanic came, the engine miraculously started. kainis. pero at least di ako napa-hiya. when the mechanic opened the aircon, the car's horn came on. wahahahaha.

I now feel vindicated.

---kzs---

Travelog

I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD EVER GO TO BOHOL

... at least not until i'm earning my own money already. So I went nUts! when my parents allowed me to go with berna and jacel
... wahahahahaha!

BOHOL

This may sound stupid...

I knew we'd go by plane, but i really didnt know that Bohol was in the Visayas region hehehe...


lookie! cute, ain't it?
... and the tarsiers look nice too.


anyway, the first day was the day tour... we went through most of what could be seen in Bohol... *shrug* small place...


the "hills" were great... looked like God threw down a hundred choc kisses hehehe.

they had a viewing deck where you can see the whole lot of them... you have to climb a frekin' 214 steps to get up there. but the view was fantastic and worth all the effort.






We spent the next few heavenly days...


... on a boat, island hopping... dolphin and whale watching


... lounging on an isolated beach


... exploring the resort

alas. we had to leave the quiet islands and beaches of Bohol and move on to Cebu. We went via the oceanjet ferry...

CEBU




We toured around the city... saw the church and the famed Magellan's Cross.

now i'm not sure if it was the exhaustion of travel or whatevs but i didnt enjoy Cebu as much as I did Bohol.

Maybe its coz of the fact that I grew up in the city and the prospect of being in a city again didnt hold much appeal to me.

Cebu was a lot like Manila, similar enough to make me feel like i was driving around manila... only a manila where I couldnt go back to my house to sleep.

i'm biased, of course.


The only part of Cebu that I really enjoyed was Kawasan Falls.

I've NEVER ever seen a river with water that clear.

(hehe pasig at marikina river pa lang kasi nakita ko)...



after snorkeling at Moalboal beach, we went to Kawasan...


... where we spent the rest of the day swimming in the cold waters at the foot of the falls.

Berns and Jacel went nuts swinging on a rope and jumping into the water. hehe

We were in good company, we met up with some Singaporean churchmates of jace's and made new friends.



Our last day in Cebu was spent in the island of Malapascua...

the beach was nice, but it was just way too HOT that day.


Those two ended up napping... while i took a short dip in the ocean.

We had to leave Malapascua early coz we had to catch our 9 pm flight home, it felt weird, surreal... coz our parents were calling our cels to know what time to pick us up at the airport and we were still on an island off-somewhere in Cebu.

All in all, we had a FANTASTIC time... i wish we could go back there again...

i swear i'll buy a "summer getaway" house near a beach and retire in bohol one day...

(berns promised to work at the health center at balicasag island hahahaha)

---kzs---

Runaway Train

Hahahahahaha! I just heard the *perfect* song to describe what I've been feeling these past few days...

Runaway Train
-Soul Asylum

Call you up in the middle of the night, Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep, So many secrets I couldn't keep
I promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now, I'm in too deep; there's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

*Chorus*
Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there
***

Can you help me remember how to smile? Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go; I know what no one else knows
Here I am just a-drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

And everything seems cut and dried,
Day and night, earth and sky,
Somehow I just don't believe it
*Repeat chorus*

Bought a ticket for a runaway train; Like a madman laughing at the rain
A little out of touch, a little insane
It's just easier than dealing with the pain
*Repeat chorus*

Runaway train, never coming back
Runaway train, tearing up the track
Runaway train, burning in my veins
I run away but it always seems the same...

wheeeeee!!!! hehehe. wala lang, natuwa ako. I know its an oldie... but its perfect.

hay nakow. makatulog na nga!

---kzs---

the week that was last

ok. i'm less than well rested but i'm better than whatever i was before. (i think)

Sunday:
woke up 3.30 am to take my twin to munoz, where she grabs a taxi to work.

got home around 4am, went back to bed.

woke up when mom opened the door at 6.30am... she started gesturing with her right hand saying her entire right side was numb and she was having a stroke and her head and back hurts... i stared at her a few seconds, told her she wasnt having a stroke coz she was still standing up, still able to walk, her right hand was moving, and she was still talking to me normally.

then, as i rolled over to go back to sleep, i thought 'what the heck, check it out, just in case'... so got up got a penlight and immediately went to her room.

made her lie down... checked pupils, checked sensory of right side, checked prox and distal motor of right side, checked strength, checked facial symmetry. no probs, all normal. she says her whole right side feels numb, the right side of her throat hurts, having trouble breathing, headache at the right side, and backache. told her i'll get meds, but says no she wants to lie down. fine. i woke my younger sis (nursing) told her to watch mom. i went down to take a bath coz i hafta go to east ave. dad came home.

just finished bath when i heard dad calling. grabbed a towel and ran up. saw mom puking/choking/coughing. seems she tried to eat crackers and drink water but puked/choked it out. told dad to take her to hosp already, that it was a bad sign coz it means she was having probs swallowing. dad says that i can take her after i get back from east ave. (stupid idiot! pissed me off! grrr.) fine. so i told my sisters to get dressed, i got dressed, and i told him that we're taking mom right away to the hosp ourselves. he then got dressed AND says he's going along and he's driving.

got to the e.r., got mom in, told sisters to fill out papers, then dad tells me to DRIVE HIM BACK HOME coz he hasnt slept yet. i drove him back home, then i drove back to the hosp. its only 9 am.

stayed till 12.30, she was admitted, impression of transient ischemic attack (cool, her tongue deviated to right!) so we got a room which we'll get by 2pm. drove home to grab clothes and stuff. sisters called, hungry, need food. got home, dad's up, wants me to wait for him to finish bath then DRIVE HIM somewhere. i waited. drove him. bought food. got to hosp, where i was scolded coz i took too long. its 3pm. got room. in room by 4pm.

twin already there straight from work. with sisters. relatives started calling. answered all. went home around 11, left youngest overnight. got home, ironed uniforms, slept around 12+.

Monday:
got up at 5am (had a bad cold, runny nose and all) , bathed and out of the house by 6am, drove sis to Golden Acres behind SM North, (got caught by MMDA, no car reg sticker, but let me go) drove to hospital. relatives visit. stayed till 11. drove to school, crammed for exam. took the exam. (miserable before, during, and after the exam) drove home, fed by twin, ironed uniforms grabbed clothes for youngest and took to hospital. youngest stayed overnight. got home by 10. stuck car reg sticker. woke nursing sis to make her do report. helped a bit. slept by 12.

Tuesday:
got up 5am, nursing not done, bathed, dressed in uniform, took nursing to golden acres. drove to hosp. there by 7.30. youngest went to school for exam, i stay with mom. aunt supposed to come by 9 to take over. have PD at 10. no aunt by 9.30, texted classmates. stayed in hosp. (lied to mom, told her class was cancelled) youngest back by 10am, aunt came 10.30. stayed till 4pm. drove home, fed by twin, drove back to hosp with clothes and food for youngest, took nursing with me. youngest overnight. relatives visit. drove home with nursing, slept by 11.

Wednesday:
got up by 5, bathed and dressed, told nursing to commute to Golden Acres. drove to hosp, let youngest go to school, stayed and changed into uniform. waited for nursing, who came at 11.45, drove to school, ate a bit at caf, snapped at people. attended a 15 min "quiz", did CPC till 5.30pm. ironed uniforms, brought change of clothes for 2 younger. drove to laundry shop, picked up clothes, drove to Jbee, bought food, drove to hospital, there by 7.30. argued about who will stay to fix discharge papers the next day. stayed till 10. drove home, asleep by 11.30.

Thursday:
up by 5.30 (overslept), texted classmate will be gone for PD. youngest has exam, nursing sis cant cut. got dressed in uniform, drove to hosp, got pulled over outside the hospital by police for coding, confiscated my drivers license. got to hospital, napped til 8am, went down to pass papers, waited till nurses called us. called us to settle at 1pm. Settled the bill by 1.30pm, drove mom home by 2+, got to UERM by 3pm, in time for feedback. Miserably failed. (too numb to care) Attended patho lec, did CPC till 10pm+, drove around looking for an open Mercury drug store. spent 5k on mom's meds. home by 12.30. too tired to eat, didnt eat the whole day... slept.

Friday:
woke at 11, twin's day-off. dad borrowed car. (texted people, wasnt goin to school coz i need rest) mom hungry and theres no food. gave mom meds. my head was spinning, went out on foot with twin to buy food. home by 12.30, brought food up, got scolded, fed mom, mom pukes it all back out. says try again later. got cleaned up, went down. did chores, forced by twin to eat by 1.30pm. I slept a bit after, woke at 2.30pm, ran to bathroom and puked out my entire lunch. cleaned up after. twin made me lie back down, gave me something to drink, let me nap. awoke at 4. went to check on mom, got scolded. went down watched some tv. ate dinner. checked on mom, wants food, went back down, seems we finshed the food. called for delivery, came after an hour, brought food up. got scolded coz it was late. gave her meds. sisters came home, fed them. slept by 11pm. (wahahaha grabe, pumasok nalang sana ako baka nakatulog pa ko sa UE)

Saturday was more or less a repeat of Friday... with less scolding coz i refused to go to her room except to give her meds, even then i sometimes just hand it to younger sisters and let them give it to her.

thats it. seven days of pure exhaustion, torture, worrying, rushing, mind-numbing, spirit-crushing, hell.

and to top it all... my mom is still not well, still puking after meals, still having headaches, still cranky... and refusing to take her meds (she has to take 7 pills in the morning, 5 at night)...

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

---kzs---

dead on my feet and pissd as hell.

even my writing skills are gone. cant string enough coherent thoughts to make a decent narrative. !@#$%.

Sunday morning my mom had TIA. i havent slept well after that. they (mom, dad, sisters, the hospital etc) basically ran me ragged and i still hafta keep up with schoolwork... i wasnt in the mood to be civil. my nerves are frayed and i snap at anything that talks. talking annoys me when i'm tired. texting too. i know everyone means well... i appreciate it and all... i do the same "sympathize, empathize, can i help?, i'll pray for you" thing when a friend has a sick loved one... i mean it when i say it too... but my natural temper shows when i'm too tired to control it. just too exhausted to care.

keep away. will recount what happened to mom last sunday when my dysfunctional brain has gone off "search and destroy" mode.




as of now, i am not responsible for any and all possible damages anyone incurs during this time.

Business as usual

hay sana 1 week ang vacation. the thought of going to school tomorrow makes me want to crawl back into bed.

research... minicases... tutorials... legal med exam ( na nilagay pa sa lunch break kaya you cant even look fwd to eating lunch..) ... PD papers... argh!

that does it, i'm goin back to bed.

_ _ _ _ _ _

back to normal na nga pla blog ko... (nababawasan ako ng readers kasi kala nila maling site) hehehe

---kzs---

TOXICEYZ: Patient Profile

Identifying Data
M.I.C. a 23 yr old female, single, Roman Catholic, was presented for the first time at braindamned on Aug. 5, 2006.

Chief Complaint
Acute aging and maturation of 24 hrs duration.

Source and Reliability
The information came from speculation and gossip mentioned by her friends with fair reliability.

History of Present Illness
The patient was apparently well until 7 years PTA, the patient was "institutionalized" at the Royal and Pontifical University. She was immediately singled out for her boundless intellectual capacity and fun loving personality. A 'crush factor' of 10/10 was also elicited. Typical days were associated with O-C studying with occassional movie and malling breaks. Back then, the mode of transportation was the manual manipulation of the lower extremites with assisstance of public transportation.

5 years PTA, the patient was periodically exposed to a high dose of 9 quirky friends. Treatment included movies like Super B, Jologs, and American Adobo. Patient can be found under the umbrellas manipulating dead cats and sharks, with occassional consult with said friends. There was a (+) 'crush factor' of 10/10. Mode of transportation was driver-assisted vehicular transport with occassional assisstance of public transportation.

2 years PTA, the patient has mild toxicity from overstimulation of neurons at a Medical Facility. Detox regimen included rowing a boat around Lake Manila Zoo. This was punctuated with occassional roadtrips to Alabang and Pansol with concomitant swimming and karaoke "I-WILL-SURVIVE" sessions. Patient was also treated for a mild "text talk" (slip na u?, 2log na me. hehe) affliction via late night kada dinners and chika sessions. Mode of transportation was self reliant mechanical manipulation of a vehicular device, with occassional use of public transportation on color-coded days.

1 day PTA, the patient was seen with a high elevation of toxic subjects. Patient presented with mild anxiety related to stress due to the coming shifting exams. Apprehension to turning 23 was also noted. Due to this serious condition, patient was admitted to Braindamned@Hello Kitty.

Physical Examination
Vital Signs
RR: 28
PR: 80-100
BP: 110/70

General appearance
gorgeous, coherent, ambulatory, you'll be in respiratory distress

HEENT
pink conjunctivae, anicteric sclerae, big brown eyes, intact tympanic membranes kaya mabilis sa chismis, no cervical lymphadenopathies (unless may chikinini ka jan na d namin nakikita hehehe)

Chest and Lungs
equal chest expansion, clear breath sounds

Cardiovascular
will increase your regular rate and rhythm, no murmurs (wala kang ma-say), distinct S1 and S2

Abdomen
flat (payat), normoactive bowel sounds

Extremities
hands of a pianist, model's legs, no edema, fast capillary refill

Neurological Examination:

Cranial Nerves
I - (+) victoria's secret and marks and spencer perfumes
II - (+) ROR, pupils 2 mm, reactive pag may gwaping na dumadaan
III,IV,VI - normal EOMs,
V - good masseter tone, pero mabagal kumain...
VII - no facial asymmetry except pag galit or may sumpong
VIII - intact gross hearing, mabilis sa chismis
IX,X - uvula at midline
XI - good shoulder shrug, mas lalo na pag ayaw nya dun sa umaakbay
XII - good articulation, tongue at midline, madaldal at maingay pag kasama 'kada

(+) "crush factor" 10/10

Plan of Management:
Dinner with the egroup... 1 rescue dose of braindamned insanity...
Ibuprofen (Advil) 200mg prn, then call me in the morning.

Professional Fee = libre mo ko starbucks! hehehe

_ _ _ _ _ _

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOXICEYZ!!

matuwa ka sana, puro barberong kalokohan na to! hehehe lam mo nmang tamad akong gumawa ng comprehensive na imbento, pero since malakas ka sakin... exception na to' wahahahahaha!

sobrang daming px profiles na nagawa ko... namatay ang creativity ko... hanapan niyo nga ako ng MUSE... di tuloy ako mka-reply agad kay mika nung nag-ttxt, la ako ma-isip nun eh.

hay... 3am na... bangag na ko sobra... zzzZZzz...

---kzs---

12am

i cut friday, and spent the whole day napping and reading a book.

saturday was no better... i spent it running a few errands and watching mindless cartoons on tv.

sunday was a bit productive, went to east ave for research. but afterwards, i ran a few more errands... then wasted the rest of the day watching Mad TV spoofs and parodies of music videos and popular sitcoms on YouTube.

i was gonna study for the surgery exam on monday morning. then classes were suspended. (why oh why, dammit, did it hafta be a monday?! it could've been a tues or thurs! what a waste of good suspension... hehehe )

so today, monday:
i ran out to buy stuff... spent the rest of the day watching jdoramas... i'm addicted now... i might start building my own collection of jdorama series... maybe match bern's collection of koreanovelas hehehe

ye gads, what a waste of time.

i regret nothing.

---kzs---


~~ just got a text! tuesday suspended! wheeeeeeeeee!! the Lord wants me to study surgery....

The Ring: A Short Story

There are 8 symbols etched on my ring, the one I wear on my thumb. I must admit, the ring was bought out of novelty... it can spin, adding to my already growing list of subconscious mannerisms. My sis made the ring more endearing... in a sudden 'flight of fancy' triggered by a stray comment, she gave meaning to the symbols.

'did you notice the order of the symbols? the sun, the moon, and a star... kinda like what a guy would promise a girl...'

"hinde, ganito yan no, (takes the ring)...

----

"Ibibigay ko sayo ang araw... ang buwan, at ang mga bituin sa langit..."











para sayo, aakyatin ko ang pinaka- matarik na bundok...






kahit umulan ng yelo...

o may bagyo man... lahat tatahakin ko."







totoo ang sinasabi ko, tamaan man ako ng kidlat...






kunin man ako ni Lord..."






_ _ _ _ _ _

awwww....

we're all just waaaay too cynical for romance... *sigh*

kawawa ang mga chihuahua.

---kzs---

What If?

ang susunod nyong mababasa ay pawang kathang-isip at kalokohan lamang. parental guidance is advised (i'm about to unleash a partial force of my insanity to the world!!!!! wahahahaha!)
. . . . .
med students are said to have O-C components in their personalities, else they wouldnt be good docs. so technically, being an OC is a normal, integral part of being a med student. but what if we manifest more than OC-ness? would we still be considered "normal", if the other personality disorders took over?
. . . . . .
Scenario: a noisy classroom; the president of the class is trying to make an announcement...

the president is PARANOID
Pres: "announcement!... (class quiets down) We will be having a lecture tomorrow at 8 but I will be moving around the venue until the last minute...
classmate: "bakit naman?"
Pres: "baka ma-infiltrate tayo ng spies from section A! kailangan nating lumaban! pinadala sila ng U.S., ng CIA para makasigurong walang Pilipinong doktor ang makarating dun!"
classmate: "may Pilipino naman sa section A, pano mo nasabi yun?"
Pres: "they're working for the enemy!! wag kayong maniwala, yun ang gusto nilang isipin nyo!! phil-am ang presidente nila! basta, the venue for the lec will be texted tomorrow... burahin nyo agad kasi may self-destruct yung message..."

the president is SCHIZOID
Pres: (just talks normally in front of the class) "announcement, we will be having a lecture at 12-2pm tomorrow." (sits back down in the corner)
noisy class: "ano raw? ha?, paki-ulit nman ung announcement"
Pres: (from the corner) "we will be having a lecture at 12-2pm tomorrow."
class: "wala tayong lunch? kausapin mo nman ung prof..."
Pres: "wala tayong lunch. kayo nalang kumausap sa prof. wala akong paki. basta sinabi ko na ung announcement. bahala na kayo."

the president is SCHIZOTYPAL
Pres: "good morning everyone! tomorrow, we would have our daily stroll into the complexities of the human mind! our exceptional professors would be gracing us with a beautifully rendered powerpoint presentation at 3pm."
class: "saan yung venue?"
Pres: "doon tayo sa CA, mas maganda ang CHI flowing through that room, its like, the spirits of all the med students who studied there are guiding us and helping us make a more telepathic connection with our professors."

the president is DEPENDENT
Pres: "uhm.. class, eto na ang vice president para mag-announce..."
VP: "ok class, may choice daw tayo ng lecture time and place, saan nyo gusto?"
class: "kayo na bahala basta maaga tayo umuwi"
Pres: "ha? kayo na magdecide please... sigurado kayong ok lang? baka mali ung ma-sched namin eh, baka may mag-reklamo, may ma-hassle... si VP nlang mag-aayos... pag may problema, punta kayo kay VP..."

the president is BODERLINE
Pres: announcement! hoy class, makinig nman kayo... bakit nyo ko binoto kung ayaw nyo makinig? ganun ba ko ka-walang kwenta? pipigilan nyo ba ako pag tumalon ako sa ilog sa likod ng ospital?
class: (tumahimik) nakkinig na kami! wag kang ma-depress. sige na, anong announcement?
Pres: sasabihin ko lang nman na napa-payag ko ang mga prof na mas maaga tayong pauwiin eh...
class: YAY! galing mo naman! we love you!!
Press: "hahahaha! Of Course! I'm The Best! hahahahaha!... ... sandali, may announcement pa, hoy makinig kayo... please... bakit ba walang nakikinig sakin?... tatawid na ako ng Aurora nang naka-pikit... "

the president is HISTRIONIC
secretary: People, settle down. Here he is... our Prrresident! ... OLIVER!!!!

the president is NARCISSISTIC
class: "bakit wala na tayong sched buong sem?"
Pres: "pinaayos Ko. Gusto kong March-May ang class eh."
class: "ha? summer break yun eh?!"
Pres: "kaya?! AKO ang PRESIDENTE!! AKO ang masusunod!!! ayaw mo?, MGA KAWAL! PUGUTAN NA YAN!"

the president is AVOIDANT
classmate: "kausapin mo nman ung prof, para ma-resched ng mas maaga ung lec, un lang pasok natin eh"
Pres: "ha, ikaw na, baka magalit sila sakin... ang 'demanding' ko naman."
classmate: "ok, ako kakausap, i-announce mo nalang sa class"
Pres: "ikaw nalang, baka isipin mo kinukuha ko credit ng pag-kausap sa prof tapos sabihin pa ng mga kaklase natin na 'feeling president' ako..."

the president is ANTISOCIAL
class: "bakit di mo sinabi na nag-resched ang 8am class natin?! galit tuloy ang prof!"
Pres: "ha? nakalimutan ko eh, inaasikaso ko pa yung classroom natin for today. dun pala tayo sa ana amphi..."
class: (punta sa locked ana amphi) wla nmang class dito eh! nasan na ung Pres? san ba talaga tayo?!
classmate: "nakita ko kanina sumasakay nang taxi, mag- wwall climbing daw siya sa Rockwell."

what if I was the president? Personality disorder-NOS (not otherwise specified)
~bwahahahahahaha!!!!
_ _ _ _ _ _

for aubrey, who is currently feeling the stress of being the president of the class... para ma-detox ka muna.
. . . . .

hehehehe... i was reading peronality disorders in kaplan when i got the idea for my blog for you... ayun. enjoy.

---kzs---

"There is a land..."

"There is a land, called Passive-Aggressivah, and you are their Queen..." -Derek Shepherd to Addison, Grey's Anatomy
_ _ _ _ _ _

Psych, I feel, is pure SPECULATIVE thought. Short of outright dissing it, I'm not sure if i'm willing to consider it a legitimate branch of medicine. Its just way too full of loopholes... diagnosing patients seem part guesswork and data manipulation, etc. *sigh* Do we really need to study this? (if I became a psych doc after all this pessimism, ewan!)

I was listening to the personality disorders audio rec, and the descriptions can fit just about everybody i know. I could narrow people down to a few categories but everyone has a personality disorder.

*BTW, sabi ni berns, when this was being lectured, she overheared Albert and Oliver looking for me (hehe, nag-cut ako). according to them, I fit the profile of a schizo. bwiset kayo.*

Anyhoo, the topic was intriguing so i actually read up about it in Kaplan. No, I am not a schizo... turns out, I fit the profile of passive-aggressive, under Personality Disorder NOS.

accdg to Kaplan,

"... people with passive aggressive personality disorder are characterized by covert obstructionism, procrastination, stubborness, and inefficiency. They characteristically procrastinate, resist demands for adequate performance, find excuse for delays, find fault with those on whom they depend; yet refuse to extricate themselves from the dependent relationships. They are not direct with their own needs; they fail to ask needed questions about what is expected of them, and may become anxious when forced to succeed (?!?) or when their usual defense of turning anger against themselves is removed. Because they are bound to their resentment more closely than to their satisfaction, they may never even formulate goals for finding enjoyment in life. Persons with the disorder lack self confidence and are typically pessimistic about the future..."

hahahahahahaha....

oh well, i'm DOOMED.

---kzs---

Line 1

matagal na akong di sumasakay sa LRT line 1. Nung huling napasakay ako sa line 1, token pa ang ginagamit at may non-aircon tren pa dun. tandang tanda ko pa... sa sobrang sikip ng nasakyan ko... nakalabas na ang katawan ko sa station platform, ung bag ko naipit pa sa loob ng sandamukal na taong nakasiksik sa tren.

kala ko may pag-babago na. wala nang token sa line 1. segregated na for male/female/senior citizens ang mga coaches. nag-chcheck na ng gamit para sa bomba. siguro naman wala nang overloading.

ANG ENGOT KO TALAGA.

sa sobrang pagod, naisipan kong mag-LRT line 1 para mabilis akong maka-uwi. Baka kasi pag nag-jeep ako, makatulog ako at makarating kung-saan.

sa pag-akyat palang nakita ko na ang GRABEng siksikan sa tren. naisip kong ok lang, ilang minuto lang naman, 5 stations away lang... kayang tiisin ang sikip.

pag-sakay palang mali na, nakapasok ako pero ang mga kasunod ko ipinilit isaksak ang katawan nila para makasakay. di na nagsara ang pinto... sabay pilit silang pumasok pa ng konti para di sumabit ang pwet nila at mka-sara ang pinto. (totoo to.)

alam nyo ba kung gano ka-sikip? ha?! HA?! BUMABA AKO after 2 stations palang ang nadaanan namin para HUMINGA lang ng ilang minuto sa station bago ako muling sumabak sa tren... (oh yes, feeling ko pag-baba ng lahat ng mga tao sa "end of the line" ilang katawan rin ang ma-ddskubre nila)

sa sobrang sikip:

may nakabuntis na sakin di ko pa rin alam.

sa sobrang sikip:
magkamag-anak na kaming lahat sa tren.

sa sobrang sikip:
nagka-TB, STDs at contact dermatitis na ko.

sa sobrang sikip:
pati mandurukot di kayang i-singit ang kamay nya para mag-nakaw.

PORKBUNporkbunPORKBUNporkbun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_ _ _ _ _ _

sayang UP Manila trip... di rin kami sinipot ng dr. Wala pa ring nangyayari sa research namin. Oh well. nag-bonding nalang kami sa RP (T, Anj, April) kulit rin pla... kawawa si T. hehehe

---kzs---

Shhh....i'm hunting WABBITs

My insane sisters couldnt resist. they saw these two kewt wabbits and they fwell in wuv. they eawch had a "pewsonawl pwefewence"name for w'em.

Chi
hewe, sweetie... hewe tweetums

San:
bwix... cmon bwix..
fwootsie... hewe fwootsie...

ed:
here brix, here take two...

wets fweed them fwowers and cawwots and stuff... awww they'we sooo kewt... wet's bwush 'em and pet em...
_ _ _ _ _ _

elmer fudd is gay.

---kzs---

Do not take life seriously, after all, no one has ever come out of it alive. -Bugs Bunny

Licensed to Drive

bakit ba maraming nag-dududa sa driving skills ko? ha? di ko naman kasalanan na lagi akong na-babangga eh! I'm INNOCENT! I'm actually a good driver. I follow road rules (most of the time), I dont text while driving (kinda), I dont drink and drive (tubig lang), I wear my seatbelt...



ahh... yan... ahh... thats my new handheld GPS system?...


no, i'm not reading.. that's a.. uh.. uhm... a roadmap.


di ako natutulog, nasilaw lang sa araw noh!


ehehehe freestyle driving po...


ahehehehehe... wala lang, parang lahat ng kilala kong may car may "porma" pics of them sitting in the car with driving poses wearing shades.. well, this is my version.

---kzs---

T.I.R.E.D.

I just came from the hospital. Me and San (my sis who's taking up nursing) decided to come home and give our other sisters a chance to take care of mom for a while. we could use some sleep. a cumulative 5 hours of sleep after 2 days is probably not good for me. (pero heto ako, nag-bblog.)

we had to drag mom to the hosp. yesterday after she lost consciousness in the bathroom and hit her head while trying to vomit. ayaw pa nya nung una... after she puked in bed and lost consciousness 2 more times, well she was in no condition to argue. maybe food poisoning. *sigh* too exhausted to think of other possible differentials. thank God my twin was home and didnt have work that night. shet lang, I cant carry my mom... she can... kinda.

I found out a couple of things:

>>When I'm exhausted. my brain generates answers w/o my conscious permission.<<

We all know the drill, patient Hx, etc etc. but we're usually doing the asking. My mouth forms the right answers while I'm trying to restrain my brain from making "wise guy" quips:

Smoker? Drinker?
(Hinde, teacher.) "Hindi po, walang bisyo."

May Hx ba sa family ng HTN, DM, high blood?
(tb, heart probs, neuro... hoy, day, kulang ka pa...) "Wala pong DM, HTN po father's side nya, tpos may Hx ng heart probs lahat ng bros nya."

>>When you're known as a med/nursing student, people expect that you know as much as a licensed practitioner.<<

aunt: Nagsusuka nanay mo? bakit hindi mo binigyan ng First Aid?? wala bang gamot na pwedeng ibigay para di na magsuka? isang doktor tapos isang nurse... (disappointment in her voice)"

Tinginan lng kami ni San.

(first aid?! ng unconscious patient? duh, tilt head to the side pra di ma-aspirate ang vomit.. we already did that. ano pa ba gagawin namin?! elevate legs? nge. tpos ng-vvomit? gamot... hellooo?! nagsusuka nga eh! how the hell is she supposed to keep down oral meds?! huh?!? huh?! want us to choke-feed our unconscious mom oral meds?!? argh.)

!@#$%^&*?!@#$%^&*!?!

pagod na ko after an exhausting night of calling dad, relatives, etc para mdala sa hosp nanay ko. mad rush to the e.r., arranging for a room, staying awake just in case she pukes again, etc etc. sansan's now behind me collapsed on her bed- dead to the world.

I needed to vent. (haay Mats, i needed to call you... was going to... kya lang may work ka the next day... and my ranting can wait. it wasnt serious, just typical pissed off ranting.)

haaay.

and to top everything off, I LOOK and FEEL like CRAP.

PORK - BUN !!!!

---kzs---

p.s.
my dad took us to the hosp... stayed 30 mins, then left. (to eat daw pero di na bumalik) we understand. he hates hospitals/blood/docs/sickness. and he cant function in a crisis without mom. but still... i cant help wishing he took control instead of looking lost and making us take charge. shit. he did call though, around 2am to check up on us. we do understand, but i guess i'm still royally pissed.

[UPDATE v.2] Temporary Reprieve Assignments

my last progress report for the summer. 1 week to go and may pasok na. looking back at the month parang nasayang ko ang opportunities...
_ _ _ _ _ _

1. blog updates as often as possible, kahit wlang kwenta lang. FAIL!
tagal nawala nung inet ko eh. wla akong nagawa. di ako maka-update. katamad mag-sulat tapos mag-lipat ng isang bungkol sa blog. parang biglaang maraming update, di na exciting.

2. lose weight. FAIL!
current weight: still 130lbs. walang kwenta. i cant shed off the 10lbs!

3. will not take summer job offers, no matter how tempting. PASS!
still a bum. no change.

4. haircut but no radical hair color changes until may. PASS!
had a hair cut! around chin-length na hair ko. tpos ngpa-highlights ako. pero langhiya ung bading ayaw nya lagay ung color na gusto ko (red-violet) ang kulit nya, nakipag-away pa. yoko kasing i-bleach ung hair ko eh. tapos nung kala ko ok na, cra ung gaga... ginawa pa rin ung gusto nya?! bleached my hair tpos reddish-brown nilagay imbis na ung gusto ko?! sarap sapakin kya lang mas malaki muscles nya sakin... grr... ok lang mas maganda ako!

5. finish watching all 7 seasons of Star Trek Voyager. PASS!
i am still, officially, a geek.

6. finish reading Katzung even if it kills me. FAIL!
hehehe di pa rin tapos.

7. fix sleeping pattern from 7am-1pm to 11pm-6am (i'm currently in violation...) FAIL!
its a disease! i'm allergic to the sun! aaaaaaahhhhhh!!! it BURNS!!!!! nooooo!!!!!!!! hehehehe

8. watch a movie at least once every 2 weeks. PASS!
weeee! tuloy tuloy ang brainless entertainment! buti game lagi si isah...

9. will go out of the house at least thrice a week. FAIL!
no money/no lakwatcha

10. reduce candy intake... argh... FAIL!
bumili si khriska nung fave chocolates ko kasi may sale... i cant stop eating 'em...

11. will take up a sport or instrument. FAIL!
wla na, tinatamad na ko...

12. will leave the city at least once the entire summer... FAIL!
daming plano, wla pa ring natuloy

13. join an org... i hear the chinese charity volunteer firemen are looking for new recruits with 1st aid/ med training... PASS!
have to attend training sessions ng volunteer firefighters and pass the paperwork... wlang oras ung kasabay ko eh, but i'm still a member of the wa-chi veterans assoc.

14. will refuse driving family members 'round w/o compensation hehehehe. FAIL!
dapat ko nang kabitan ng metro ang kotse ko...

---kzs---

(parang wla pa rin akong napala... shet dapat nag-summer classes nalang ako...)

Text Talk - a conversation

for isah. (natandaan nanaman kita and your txt encounters with... ehehehehe wag na patayin mo pa ko...)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

"kumain na u?"
(napatingin ako sa kapatid ko) "huh?? 'who ARE you and what did you do with my sister?!"

"baket?"
you used TEXT TALK!! on ME?! sacrilege!!!!!

"anong text talk??? ~ha?! whadidisay?!"
duh? 'kumain na u?'

"nge... so?"
so its bad!!! text contractions nga napupunta na sa mainstream life... pag nag-ttype, sulat, etc. di na marunong mag-spell mga tao. pati ba naman pagsasalita...

kumain na u
oo, eat na me

wait u jan ha? punta na me.
kk ingats u

"hahahahaha! di naman ako ganyan noh!"
but you slipped! yan na ata tagalog version ng mga airhead-bimbo-american impressions --"like, y'know, we should be, like, in the mall having our nails done or something." (sabay jiggle of the boobs and flip of the hair)

"yah, like, pay attention driving, like, we might hit something y'know..."
che. basta. you know what I mean.

here na me, san na u?
late me eh, hintay u, lapit na me.

"some people think its cute, parang pa-sweet nga dating eh"
ahhh ewan!!! dpende siguro. ok lang minsan pero pag ganyan mag-text ALL THE TIME? pano pag bad-mood ka? its like someone laughing when you're having a bad day! it frustrates the hell out of me... if I EVER go for a guy who texts like that, bonk me over the head with a cell phone... sweet can get irritating after a while. anyway, we're predisposed to diabetes, we cant handle sweets for long. (laughs)

"sure, sure. tingnan lang natin..."
sira! kaya nga tirahin mo ko ng cellphone eh! landline kung di ako madala!

"hahahaha! sabi u yan ha? hahahaha! pissed na ba u? near home na ba us? wahahahahaha!"
grr. che! (change topic) oi, tinanong mo ba si ed kung pano naging sila? I asked her kung pano nanligaw yung guy-- sabi ko- "ano? tinanong lang ba nung guy: 'ikaw na ba? ako na ba? tayo na ba?' ?!" hehehe... natawa ang bruha. tapos sabi niya basta raw approve na ang friends niya kya naging sila. i thought that was DUMB. so sabi ko- "ano ngayon kung approve sila? sabi lang ng friends mo 'BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY OUR FRIENDSHIP I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU BOYFRIEND & GIRLFRIEND!'?"

hahahaha di na tumigil sa kakatawa ang sira.

"hahahahahahahaha!!!! u na, me na, we na?"
tama na nga yan. I shouldnt have brought it up. 'shut up na u, baka ma-pissed na me... ma-waiting u ng jeep der sa kanto.'

---kzs---

Just so ya'll know...

I absolutely hate hate HATE blogging in a net cafe.

yes. for the past 4 weeks... WALA AKONG INTERNET. @#$%^&!porkbun.

i finally found out what happened, naputol dahil di pa nagbabayad. the check was already issued but the guy who collects the payment hasnt picked it up yet. kaya naputol. ARGH.

san ba bayad center ng destiny cable?! ha? ha?! ako na mag-aabot! waaaaaaaahh!

ONE WHOLE MONTH no net... my blog... di ma-update... my mail... clutterd with 90+ unread messages... no gaming... no music downloads...

so now here I am... i got a possessed mouse (it wont go where i want it), a keyboard with a broken 'N' key (you hafta pound it real hard to get it to type) and this idiot to my right is glancing at my screen trying to read what the hell i'm typing.

i absolutely hate hate HATE blogging in a net cafe.


---kzs---

*all updates will be published pag may net na ulit ako. swear. babawiin ko lahat.*

- Nyt -

There is something in its calm... the quiet unknown that holds shadowed mysteries... dreams... The night seduces me. The open window brings a deafening silence... and with it comes a cool breeze that caresses my naked --



di ko kaya magsulat ng erotica.

wag na nga. tulog na ko.

g'nyt.

[UPDATE v.1] Temporary Reprieve Assignments

haaay. wla akong net. wlang kwenta. will publish all pag meron na. still doesnt deter me from writing though. wla nga lang maka-basa. oh well. this is the first of the two updates i plan to write. just to check if i could actually accomplish anything this summer. as of now, this is my progress report...
_ _ _ _ _ _

1. blog updates as often as possible, kahit wlang kwenta lang. FAIL!
hey, i still have a month to pick up the slack... but w/o my net... i'm useless.

2. lose weight. FAIL!
current weight: 130lbs. i'm hoping to bring it back down to 120-115lbs...

3. will not take summer job offers, no matter how tempting. PASS!
chicken lang to', i'm naturally lazy anyway hehehe pero sayang tlaga, dapat nag-apply ako sa Grace... mdali lang nman ung work eh...

4. haircut but no radical hair color changes until may. PASS!
still have long-ish hair... no color yet.

5. finish watching all 7 seasons of Star Trek Voyager. PASS!
OMG! took me a WEEK but i did it! i finished all 47 dvds. i am now officially a geek.

6. finish reading Katzung even if it kills me. FAIL!
yeah, yeah... so kill me. I got through a few chapters before i got bored. but i still have a month!

7. fix sleeping pattern from 7am-1pm to 11pm-6am (i'm currently in violation...) FAIL!
i like the night... so quiet and peaceful. i cant help it! better start taking pills...

8. watch a movie at least once every 2 weeks. PASS!
this one's fun, no probs! wala na kong paki, solo man o may kasama basta mka-nood! hehehe.

9. will go out of the house at least thrice a week. FAIL!
eh ang hirap lumabas kung wla kang pera eh... grr... teka, kasama ba pag na-utusan lumabas para bumili ng tinapay?

10. reduce candy intake... argh... PASS!
but the craving is still there. i hope i dont binge in the end...

11. will take up a sport or instrument. PASS!
nag-bbadminton na po ako. at least once a week.

12. will leave the city at least once the entire summer... FAIL!
daming plano, wlang natuloy

13. join an org... i hear the chinese charity volunteer firemen are looking for new recruits with 1st aid/ med training... PASS!
yes, pending na ung sa volunteer firefighters, and member na ako ng wa-chi veterans assoc. (not by choice...)

14. will refuse driving family members 'round w/o compensation hehehehe. FAIL!
pag ayaw ko raw ako mag-bayad ng gas... no choice talaga...
_ _ _ _ _ _

I'll probably have one more update near the end of next month. until then eto na muna.

---kzs---

Women and Workout

i thought i was more "butch" than most. but i guess not.

my 'get fit' summer resolution is finally underway. my sisters wanted to suffer with me so, ok, fine. we cruised around looking for a "decent" gym or fitness club we could join.

"decent" can mean oh-so-many many many different things....

punta kami sa gym#1, along del monte
pros: mura lang membership, malapit sa sakayan ng jeep
cons: mukhang manyak ang trainer, sobrang lapit sa mga pondohan, baka ma-harrass kami ng tambay (accdg to my sis)

gym #2, banawe cor. retiro
pros: reasonable membership fee, female trainers, may spa, and maraming "eye candy" na nag-wwork-out.
cons: mejo maliit lang ung place and its SANDWICHED between an Ice Monsters and Fat Boy Pizza... talk about temptation... but who cares, right?

gym#3, along retiro
pros: ewan di kami nag-tagal
cons: we had trouble finding a parking spot, then when we got to the place and opened the door to inquire, we stopped dead in our tracks- assailed by an OVERWHELMING wall of smell (think: sweat, old socks, B.O. in varying combos) AS IN, grabe, na-hinto kami, looked at each other then turned around to walk out without inquiring.

I guess we narrowed our criteria to these:
1. hindi 'mukhang manyak' ang trainer
2. 'malinis' ang lugar
3. ok ang equipment
4. *no sweaty-socks-b.o. smells*
5. maluwag (hindi kayo mg-hahawaan ng pawis pg ng-eexercise)
6. malayo sa temptation
7. hindi 'mukhang manyak' ang mga dumadayo doon

so far, isa lang ang mejo umabot sa standards namin ng mga kapatid ko. fine. nakita ko lng yung boxing ring, wall-climbing at jacuzzi... ok na rin ako. hehehe

---kzs---

Holy week to 7th Heaven

this entry is dedicated to my most avid reader... the most excellent divah, owbreeeh! (i'm not wortheee! *bow*)
_ _ _ _ _ _

holy week again. absolutely NOTHING to do. the malls are closed. restos are closed. ang bukas lang within the radius of my house ay ung Mighty Mart, Pan de Manila, at yung Sta Teresita Hosp. grabe talaga, ito lang ang bukas na 'hotspots' dito samin. so tumambay muna ako sa pan de manila. bumili ng tinapay. haay.

i havent watched TV in more than a month... nothing good is ever on anyways. kaya sa pag-kakataong ito, nakipag-sapalaran muli ako sa mundo ng local entertainment. (in other words, di ko maagaw ang remote sa nanay ko na nanonood ng channel 7 at Qtv. shet.)

nakatulog rin ang nanay ko tapos nyang pababain ang IQ ko sa panonood ng 'Show Ko' ni Ethel Booba and her wonder badings. sa wakas, na-agaw ko rin ang remote. at nagsimula akong mag-channel surf.

tapos kong panoorin ang mga replay ng crime/suspense... wala nanamang mapanood. dumaan ako muna sa Nick at Cartoon Network bago ko na-realize...

oh Lord, matanda na ko. nawala na ang appeal ng cartoons.

bigla kong nakita ang yearly 7th Heaven marathon ng Studio 23. nanood nanaman ako. di ko mapigilan, i dont know why... it draws me like a moth to a flame... and so, I learned, since last akong nkapanood ng 7th Heaven:

si Matt di pa rin doktor, pero may asawa na (at may tiyan na rin, wla nang appeal...)
si Mary nanganak na (pero di siya pinakita ever sa mga episodes)
si Lucy ay may asawang pulis at buntis na
si Simon matanda na (wla na ring appeal kasi nakakalbo na... =/ )
si Ruthie lintek may jowa na
si Ashley Simpson nandun pla... at blonde ang buhok
may 'boarders' sila sa bahay... parang lahat dun ang tambay
ung pastor nila dun nang-agaw ng gf ng iba (kala ko good values ang 7th heaven?)

ang 7th heaven pla walang kwento at walang kwenta...

mano-nood nlng ako ng Cleaningpad Rectanglepants sa Nick... mas may sense.
_ _ _ _ _ _

lintek, bukas ang starbucks at icebergs sa banawe!!!! waaaaaahhh!!!! THANK YOU LORD!!!!

---kzs---

The proverbial apple and the tree

Most people find me eccentric. I can't help it. I guess its part of the uniqueness that is Me.

But its not entirely MY fault.

I blame it on the environment... I blame it on my upbringing... I blame it on MY GENES.

I am the Product of two EXTREMES. (picture: Angel + Devil = Adam Sandler's Little Nicky)

Mom is sensible and practical. A kindergarten teacher. Nice, down to earth...

DAD however, is another ENTITY. He's extremely mischievous and unpredictable. more like the "attack of the alien chinaman from the 6th dimension"

===ooo===

Pa: nakita na ako ng mga classmates mo?
kzs: Oo.. (he's asked this a zillion times)
Pa: anu raw? Pogi raw tatay mo? pogi? parang kapatid raw?
kzs: ... uh.. hinde... iba tinatanong e... (yeah i know, saying "Yes" would've shut him up... WHAT WAS I THINKING?!)
kzs: bakit daw hindi kita ka-mukha?
Pa: ba, malay ko?... kung kani-kanino tumatabi yang si Mama mo...
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

(during dinner at a chinese resto)

Pa: Kain kayong lahat gulay (while trying to put veggies on our plates)
us: ayaw... ikaw nag-order nyan, ikaw umubos
Pa: (while putting veggies on Mom's plate) ito, sayo na Tanda, para maganda ka
(I thought Mom was gonna kill him then)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

(at the Megamall G2 Show...)

Pa: may camera kayo?
us: wala kaming dala e, bakit?
Pa: (with a stupid grin) sabi sakin nung tatlong chicks na pink ang buhok pwede raw picture, pwede raw akbay... (promo girls ata ng Priston Tale)
us: . . . ?!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

(while talking about a younger sister's suitor)

Pa: hindi pwede! tapos muna college bago ligaw ligaw!
kzs: eh Pa, pano kami tapos na, ibig sabihin pwede na? (we were just baiting him...)
Pa: Oo, kayo pwede na, pero pa-approve muna ako
kzs: kailangan ba chinese?
Pa: hindi naman, check ko muna apelido nila (I dunno what he meant)
kzs: (gulat kami) so pwede kahit Pilipino?
Pa: hindi lahat. depende.
kzs: depende saan?
Pa: apelido rin.
kzs: ????
Pa: Pwede Ayala, Zobel, etc etc etc... (ah ewan bwiset!)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

(while trying to help endear my sis' bf )

kzs: ok nman taste ni edz eh...
Pa: pano mo nasabi ok? bata bata pa boyfriend na?!
kzs: may itsura nman ung lalaki...
Pa: ano itsura?
kzs: mejo hawig mo nga eh! ayaw mo nun? pogi?
Pa: aba, tanong mo sa nanay nya bakit ganun...! bakit kamukha ako...?

===ooo===

*sigh* I probably got my stoic demeanor and control from my mom... pero nasa loob ang kulo.

---kzs---

Temporary Reprieve Assignments (a.k.a. summer vacation 'will do' list)

matters discussed subject to revisions at any time.
(considering its 4.30 am and i'm typing this before i go to sleep)

I, kzs, of the sleep deprived mind and out-of-condition body, do hereby declare that this summer

1. blog updates as often as possible, kahit wlang kwenta lang.
2. lose weight
3. will not take summer job offers, no matter how tempting.
4. haircut but no radical hair color changes until may
5. finish watching all 7 seasons of Star Trek Voyager
6. finish reading Katzung even if it kills me
7. fix sleeping pattern from 7am-1pm to 11pm-6am (i'm currently in violation...)
8. watch a movie at least once every 2 weeks
9. will go out of the house at least thrice a week
10. reduce candy intake... argh...
11. will take up a sport or instrument
12. will leave the city at least once the entire summer...
13. join an org... i hear the chinese charity volunteer firemen are looking for new recruits with 1st aid/ med training...
14. will refuse driving family members 'round w/o compensation hehehehe

i realized that this will be my first/last summer vacation so i should stress the vacation part... i was gonna get a summer job, good thing i changed my mind... i might just string up mom's hammock and sleep the summer away...

gawd... headache... blurry vision...

better sleepzZzZz....

---kzZzZzs---

Vocandabulary 101

I'm compiling my mom's terminologies in the hopes that someone would enlighten me...


(adj) talipandas/ taliban
guess definition: pasaway, matigas ulo?
used in a sentence: Hoy babaeng talipandas! telephone!

(n.) bru (bruha)
guess definition: nickname nya samin ni edz pag na-bbwisit cya
used in a sentence: Bru! bumaba ka na para kumain!

(n.) pa to tang (chinese for cement mixer)

guess definition: nickname nya sa kapatid ko pag frustrated cya

used in a sentence: Pa to tang ano ba yan, kya ka tumataba eh!...

(n.) kweng kweng

guess definition: accessories
used in a sentence: Bawasan mo nga yan, dami mo nang kweng-kweng.

(adj.) toknengneng (tama b to?)
guess definition: idiot, bobo
used in a sentence: Para kang toknengneng ano b yang gnagawa mo?

(n.) chihuahua
guess definition: general term for any persistent suitor / bf naming mgkakapatid...

used in a sentence: Sabihin mo nga sa kapatid mo na tama na telebabad sa chihuahua nya sa phone!

~ to be cont'd... bka dagdagan ko pa to pag sinipag ako... =) ~

---kzs---

Why me? Why med?

My youngest sister is about to start college this year. Time flies extremely fast. The occasion got me thinking about my own long interminable education and unfinished career.

Few uerm peeps know this... but since I've left high school, I've never had a full summer break. I've had summer classes ever since I started college at UST. Hangang 1st year sa ue hindi pa rin ako nadala. In short, wala pa akong buong summer vacation for the past 6 years.

Never pa akong na-delay (a conundrum, until now) laging 2nd sem ang bagsak ko kya pwede kong i-summer. Tinanong na sakin yan ng guidance counselor ng UST, sabi nya tingnan ko raw ung mga sched ng subjects, bka may pattern daw sa mga binabagsak ko. Pero mejo alam ko nman ang rason kung bakit ako ganito.

I never really wanted to become a doctor.

People may not perceive it, but I'm a deeply spiritual person. I pray before making decisions. And in choosing a college, I prayed that if I got into UST, that will be my 'sign' that the Lord wants me to go into med.

Ang hirap ng bio. I started questioning my being there. I became content with just 'passing'. In effect, I was sabotaging myself. Subconsciously, I know that if I get delayed, i'd shift to an easier course. I was waiting for an excuse. But I never got delayed. Ang galing... weird, laging sabit. As every failure I got pulled my pride down a notch, I learned to cope. I know that failure doesnt mean the end, and I learned to accept what comes. So I finished bio, with a lot of lingering doubts and a disgracefully tarnished transcript.

I applied to UE and got in. But I wasnt willing to commit myself to a lifetime of studying, neither was I eager to join the daily grind yet. So I chose the more familiar of the two. As usual I prayed for a sign... this time, a butterfly, an insect that I would hardly notice. Then I resigned myself to the possibility that I was destined to join the workforce. And so, a week passed and nothing. I wasnt going to make any move without my 'sign'. It was three days before UE starts classes, I was home alone watching TV when a girl with a big butterfly print blouse came on. I started laughing. And enrolled the next day.

My first year at uerm wasnt any different from my UST bio days. It was hard for me to believe that the Lord wanted me to become a doctor. I didnt think I can handle the responsibility... I dont want the responsibility. I did well the first few modules, then my doubts started to resurface. I had to take removals for 2 modules, if I failed both, I'd be delayed or kicked out. As usual, I only failed one... and had to take summer classes. But i'm still in. Still on time.

So that was the 'pattern'. I decided to test it. Which was why (to the confusion of some people) I was doing better this 2nd year. It was hard, working to raise my grade after 5 years of habitual slacking off, but I managed to do slightly better this year. I had no removals in any of the modules. I had some probs with OSCE and PDII but basically, I was ok.

I was stubborn... still am. but since I dont want to get swallowed by a whale or turned into a pillar of salt, I choose to believe this... however outrageous it may sound. Maybe I'm only supposed to reach 4th year. Maybe I'm destined to save only one life, then die in a car wreck. Maybe I'm supposed to become a missionary doc to Africa. Ewan. So I learned to give in and let go.

I may never really get rid of my doubts... but I learned to enjoy med life. I've allowed myself to think that maybe, I can become a halfway competent doc. The idea does have some appeal.

Either way, I'll try to do better from now on. Med school is horrendously difficult. It's nice to speculate that the Lord is on my side.

---kzs---

I'm FAT =(

hoookay. I've always liked the way I looked. I'm not really the type that feels insecure about my body. I never really minded the few extra pounds that I put on since I started med. I love to eat. I dont mind the weight gain... I have a fast metabolism, I can lose it fast if I wanted to.

PERO SHET LANG.

when your old college profs comment on the weight you've gained... ARGH. you know you've got a problem.

tumaba daw ako sabi ni Ma'am Javier =( (and nung socio prof natn... sori, forgot the name... ) muntik na raw nya akong di mamukhaan. waaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!!!!!!

ok, ok. alam ko. malaki na ang braso ko, bilbil ko, etc. masikip na ang uniforms ko. pati mga lumang pantalon ko, halos di ko na masara. pero mukhang ginawa ko nang rason na ok lang sakin tumaba, dahil TINATAMAD akong magpa-payat. bwiset.

*sigh* time to lose the pounds...

---kzs---

2-week stretch

2 weeks more and we're through 2nd year.

i'm almost afraid i'd screw up. pessimism saves my sanity. i havent failed anything. yet. 2 weeks- too long to ensure my safe passage through 2nd year. i'm straining my leash as it is. a day had already passed. but it feels like a second. and a zillion hours loom in the distance. i dont want to believe that this will end. its the waiting i cannot abide. these 2 weeks will be the death of me.

or liberation.

til then, with bated breath...


---kzs---

V-day Anniv! Wheeee!

This marks the 1st anniversary of my V-day "Secret Admirer".
(see last year's post: >HERE<)

Of course si "Secret Admirer" may heart-shaped gift nanaman.

AND may konting effort... may love letter with PICS pa! wahahahahaha!

Grabe, big surprise! Nakaka-tawa sobra. bentang-benta talaga.


the best talaga... wahahahaha!
(di ko na sama ung pics, mag-imagine nlng kayo.)


"hoping for your kind consideration..." OMG di ba? sobrang romantic?! Sarap batukan. hehehe.

Yoko na. baka may masabi pa akong iba...

TE AMO!

---kzs---

just feel better.

JUST FEEL BETTER

She said, I'll feel stranded, And I can't tell anymore
If I'm coming or I'm going
It's not how I planned it, I've got a key to the door
But it just won't open

And I know, I know, I know; Part of me says let it go
That life happens for a reason
But I don't, I don't, I don't; Cause it never worked before
But this time, this time
I'm gonna try anything to just feel better

*chorus*
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through The haze around me
And I'll do anything to just feel better
I can't find my way, God I need a change
And I'll do anything to just feel better
Any little thing to just feel better

She said I need you to hold me, I'm a little far from the shore
And I'm afraid of sinking
You're the only one who knows me, And who doesn't ignore,
That my soul is leaking

And I know, I know, I know; Part of me says let it go
Everything must have its season
Around, around it goes; Everyday's the one before
But this time, this time,
I'm gonna try anything to just feel better

*chorus*
==> Santana feat. Steven Tyler

**********
haay grabe.

what happened to my life?!

its really not supposed to be like this...


argh.

---kzs---

Random Conversations 1

(i was reading my christmas gift to myself, Murakami's Kafka on the Shore... i plop down on the sofa...)

san: kamusta?
kzs: ok lang, its... insane.
san: insane good or insane bad?
kzs: dunno. its like listening to a respected but very old professor's lecture, malalim at feeling mo may sense pero di ka sure, baka drugged lang or senile na yung prof... pero parang naiintindihan mo kahit hindi. is that insane good, or insane bad?
san: but you like it.
kzs: bakit mo nasabi yon?
san: because you like it. you like insane.
kzs: maybe. i'll reserve judgement 'till after i finish it. dito na ko sa part where the 15yr old kid had sex with the 50 yr old lady who might be his mother, tapos the old guy who talks to cats killed Johnny Walker... you do know why i'm telling you this, right?
san: yeah. so that i'll want to read that book. pero tinatapos ko pa nga yung bio ni Watchman Nee di ba? nakakatulog ako eh.
kzs: kung boring eh di dont finish it.
san: i promised myself i would.
kzs: ahhh ok. i understand. its one of those. bagal mo mag basa.
san: so... kamusta na ngayon?
kzs: its insane.

_ _ _ _ _ _

(in the car on the way to bball game, 1-9-06, 8:15 pm)

kzs: chi, ok lang ba sa may Jbee Q.Ave nlang kta i-baba? late na ko...
chi: oo na, oo na.
kzs: sure ka? makakasakay ka ba?
chi: oo nga sabi eh.
kzs: i dont know why i'm going. we havent won a game yet.
chi: ba, malay ko sayo.
kzs: d'you think we'd win if i dedicate the game to you?
chi: uh, no.
kzs: what if i dedicate the game to mom?
chi: ha?
kzs: y'know, maybe if i tell the other team that i'm dedicating the game to "my mother for her birthday" tomorrow, they'll pity us and let us win...
chi: haha.... no.
kzs: bwiset ka. could you at least pray that we'll win this game? or at least one game? crap ka...

_ _ _ _ _ _

(after dinner, the night after mom's bday... and "day 2" na walang tubig ang village...)

ma: (opens the faucet in the bathroom) may konting tubig, bantayan nyo yung balde... sarado nyo kung puno na. (goes to kitchen)
kzs: ma, kuha mo ko cake...
ma: che, tumayo ka. (opens the ref)
kzs: sige na, hati tayo...
san: naririnig lang namin ung aquarium e.
ma: (sits at dining table, eats cake)
kzs: oi! you peeeg!
ma: (mouthful of cake) anong pig? pig ka jan, you oink oink!
san: ... oink oink?
kzs: ... ?!?
kzs: thats not even an insult! mas malala ba yan sa pig?! oink oink?!??? it that even a word?!??
san: yung pig mo parang frenchman... peeeg!
kzs: better than oink oink no.
ma: (tune of Old McDonald had a farm) ... here an oink, there an oink, everyday an oink oink...
kzs: -everyday? di ba everywhere?
ma: ... everywhere an oink oink...
san: ...
ma: mga vocabulary yan ng nanay mo noh, pag di na ko ganyan magsalita hindi na yun yung nanay mo.
san: ok. pag na-kidnap ka ng aliens, tatanungin ka namin kung pano mo kami d-describe...
kzs: (turns to san) patingin nga ulit... parang ang laki lalo ng mata mo sa bago mong salamin... it looks nice. para kang girl.
san: hindi ba ko girl dati?!?
ma: malaki nman talaga mata nyan no. (turns to san) ok na yan, nag-mukha kang mas mature... para ka nang eggxacutive...
san: eggxacutive???
kzs: now that's not even a word!?!! at least "oink" is a word...
ma: (stands up and turns to leave, stops near the bathroom) oi pakinggan nyo yung tubig ha.
san: bakit, may sinasabi ba?

<--- END OF PART ONE --->

---kzs---